platonic relationships

I have been debating within myself for a very long time whether to write about this topic or not. There are so many times I have taken my computer, written a page about it and then something clicks in my mind to stop writing. The reason(s) that have been making me to put down my computer and do something else is when I think of my audience. It is hard to look for a specific manner in which I can write this topic and it does not affect my elders. In my opinion, the African society usually shuns away when a man and a woman are just friends. Both male and woman play a role in the society and the only time they can have a chaste relationship is if they have family ties. Therefore, this is what makes me to stop right there at the middle and do something else. Nevertheless, oh well, let me get on with it.

Have you ever walked down a street and seen a boy and a girl walking together, talking laughing? Have you seen a man and a woman walking out of a restaurant together smiling? What comes to your mind? Do you automatically say that they are a couple? Do you conclude that they are in love? In addition, is it possible to have a friend of the opposite gender and just remain friends? Alternatively, is it an illusion that people have that male/female friends are impossible while it is not the case? Do people have to end up on the same bed after sometime doing God knows what? Ever heard of a platonic relationship?

Once upon a time is stumbled across an article written on a relationship blog (seriously-maybe http://seriously-maybe.com/friends-without-benefits/) about platonic relationships. The author was arguing that after sometime a man and a woman who are friends will end up having sex in the end. He further argued that people develop feelings and these feelings lead to intimacy. It got me thinking, is it usually true? Alternatively, is there another outcome to that story?

A platonic relationship is a type of relationship that is non-intimate, chaste or non-sexual. This is a type of relationship that exists between a man and a woman, a boy or a girl or in present day society, between people of the same sex without any forms of sexual activities or intimacy. I know in my society that older men and women always give a suspicious eye to any person who prefers to keep a person of an opposite gender as only friends. But does it have to be case always?

A man and a woman can only be friends without any forms of intimacy. It is possible if both parties know what they want and have. However, this form of relationships requires respect and commitment. A man and a woman can be best friends and they respect each other’s space. There are things that friends do not do and that includes kissing, and having sex. Therefore, in platonic relationships, it has to be clear and ensure that the boundary is not crossed at any time.

The beauty of having a platonic relationship is like having a sister-brother relationship. This comes in handy especially where you require the other person to take care of you. For instance, while going for clubbing your platonic friend is the person most suitable to take care of you. They will see your crazy side that your boyfriend or girlfriend may get a cardiac arrest when they see it and still they do not judge you. They will take care of you when you have drunk one too many and you end up blacking out (kuchew blackout). Overall, they will stick by you no matter what. That’s what friends do anyway.

They usually say that people who listen and understand one better is a person of the opposite sex. Lets all agree on here first. You cannot tell some things to your boys because they will either laugh at you or make you look like a sissy. Moreover, you cannot tell some things to your girls because they will judge you or worse talk to people about it. There was a time a mother advised me to have friends of the opposite sex cause they will never talk about you behind your back. As for me am referring to male friends, they are loyal to maintaining secrets (I am still trying to figure out though if she was right). But so far, she is right. Additionally, most men are good listeners. They will listen to you talk and give you their opinion or advice. Oh, please kindly note that I am not asking you to go to a man and start asking about your wardrobe and new outfits to include unless he is a gay man of course. There are things that your male friends know how to handle more than your female friends do and vice versa when it comes to men.

I am a person who believes in valuing friendships so when it comes to platonic relationships I am cool with it. Therefore, whether it is platonic or not, I have to maintain it all the time.

So far having a platonic relationship is an awesome thing. There are no intimate feelings that are likely to cloud your judgement, quarrels and shouting that is common among couples and you both have a win-win situation where you both have a peace of mind. The greatest downfall though of this type of relationship is when feelings develop and start to make everything blurry. I cannot deny that occasionally one party falls for the other and makes the whole friendship/relationship awkward especially if it is not mutual. It makes the party that does not feel the same to look like an animal. However, before that time comes do get to enjoy a chaste relationship with your girl or boy. It does not all have to end up being about love and sex all the time, you know.

Reasons as to why sometimes people hang on a little more to single hood

Single ladies cast at an interview with Tami

I am a huge fan of the chick-flick series “single ladies” by VH1. The series talks of three women from different backgrounds who are trying to find love, success and prosperity in the city of Atlanta, Georgia. The series is full of drama, romance, betrayal and mysterious twists. The endings of each episode leaves me in suspense that I end up juggling through my mind how the next episode will be like. The series produced by Queen Latifah came to a cancellation in February 2014 but it was later been renewed by BET network Centric two months later. I guess it has a huge fan base especially in the United States. The scenes in the series usually have beautiful ladies and hot, handsome men who later date or have a fling with one another. Both genders have a high sense of fashion, as their clothes are classy and elegant and are designer made. However, the series brings out the Hollywood version of single ladies which is full of exaggeration and too much promiscuity.

One thing about the series that I love most is the fact that these single ladies believe in themselves. They do not sit down in the house a whole year and cry their eyes dry because of break ups. They do so for a short duration of time and bounce back to the dating scene. As much as they are not interested in dating other people, they are still spotted in the crowd. This might be because the men out there notice their sense of independence, confidence and love for themselves. These are the qualities a single woman or lady should exhibit everywhere she goes. It does not have to be through verbal announcements but rather through their body language and posture.

Advantages of single-hood

1. I was/have been single for some time and the status is not as bad as people make it look like. one thing about being single is, one does not have to worry about making calls and sending messages to people at any time. You are not obligated to explain why you have become so silent and if you switch off your phones, only the parents and relatives have the right to question why you did so.

Secondly, being single allows one to move around anywhere and everywhere. If one decides to take a trip to the beach up in Mombasa or Zanzibar, they do not have to start consulting and telling people in advance. The trip is for you alone and you only have to notify someone you will be going there for the sake of knowing your whereabouts. This can be done on that morning when you are boarding a matatu or taking a flight to the coastal regions. Down at the coast you will also have the advantage of choosing where and with whom you are planning to stay with despite of the relationship between you two. You can stay with your friends from the past or present. Single hood enables you to choose where and who you stay with no restriction and explaining to do.

Thirdly, as a single lady or gentleman, one is entitled to go to as many dates as possible. You can go for up to three dates in a day. It is the fun times of being single. I recall an instance where my girlfriend who was single used to go for a date everyday of the week. Each evening or during lunchtime, she would have a date to go. It was fun and thrilling as she was meeting new people every day and interacting with them. She came back later after the dates and excitedly described her experiences. She was having a good time all right despite having to some annoying dates as well. 

Lastly, dating gives you the freedom to flirt as much as you would want.  There is no harm in flirting. It actually makes you alert and happy. You can flirt with a million women or with a thousand men if you wish to do is. However, in flirting I am not referring to extending it to other stages (am sure you are flowing with me here). 

Boring side of single-hood

I call this one a boring side because it is really really boring! After sometime of being single, one gets lonely. One feels lonely when they see friends going out with their spouses for movies, dinner dates or even road trips. One feels lonely during the cold, rainy season where there is no one to cuddle with, or spend those cold days with. This is the only one great disadvantage of being single.

In conclusion, when you find yourself back to the single club, embrace it. make sure that you make the best of it and make memories. On the other hand, when you cross over to the couples land always wave back to the singles club.

Do enjoy the rest of your weekend friends. 

http://blog.vh1.com/2014-01-08/single-ladies-wardrobe-breakdown-episode-1-anthony-williams/

"How to cheat like a man"-perfect insights

Last week I had one of those lazy discussions with my girlfriends about what was happening in their lives. Some were enthusiastic of how successful their school projects were going, how they have managed to get their finances right. However, some were lamenting at how juggling between work and school was tiring them down. As usual there were the “congrats” and the “sorry”. After a lengthy bit of that, we went to the inevitable topic of men and boys. One particular story of one of my many girlfriends caught my attention.

I do not want to make the presumption of saying that all the men she has gone out with are jerks. It will sound offensive and out of line of the girlfriend code: do not talk ill of one another (Lol! Which girl/woman does not do that………aaaah, I do not). Honestly, some of the men she has gone out with are gentlemen but those that her heart had chosen to love end up being jerks.

Our society has made us believe on the notions that as people advance in age the wiser they become. The logic, most of the times are true and irrefutable but at times it is the direct opposite. Now her latest love was a “man” older than she was.  From the first impression she got from the man, he looked like a mature man with all the manly goods wrapped in one. Some of us actually met him and from my first impression of him I found him attractive and responsible, (my opinion was entirely neutral with no biasness).  What I loved about him more was the fact that he made her very happy. We were used to hearing his name in almost every conversation we had with her. She was very very happy and I was so happy for her.

However, the honeymoon ended even before it got a chance to start. Apparently, in one of her visits to his place she walks into a house of a man and a woman who have just shagged. She came back to my house full of fury and anger leashing all out to the space (just wished she had told him). She narrates how she knocks on the door and a woman opens it. She feels numb and gets a little courage and asks where the guy is and she is told he is in the bathroom, and gets the door slammed at her face! She gets courage again (plus her strong will and stubbornness) and enters into the house and sits patiently waiting for the guy to finish showering. She has already taken a scope of the place with her eyes noting the woman is wearing one of her favorite shirts. Damn! She continues waiting for him and losing patience, goes and pushes the bathroom door. The guy sensing her presence in the house takes longer in the bathroom (she narrates it in a jokingly manner that I try desperately to hide my laughter. She narrates gestural with intonation of how the shower was three times longer than normal). The guy gathers courage and comes out of the bathroom finally. Phew!

However, he stifles a “hi” which tricks my boiling girlfriend who is also paralyzed by her discovery. Eventually numbness takes over and she asks in a dry throat who the b***h was. Talk of stupid and uncaring men, the SOB replies “you did not tell me you were coming”. What the hell! I felt like running towards the jerk with a vengeful mission to make him regret crossing path with my girlfriends. I became angrier than she was and felt her pain more. How dare him!

She keeps on lamenting and talking continuously of the guy but I had already drifted off to my zone. I kept on thinking of how the “man” could shoot back an answer like that even when he has been caught in the act. I tried every possible answer but they all did not make sense. Finally, as I was busy chatting up with my boys, I accidentally brought up the topic. He gave his analysis to the situation that I had not even thought of.

People react differently when caught doing a wrong that changes the fate of his or her life. However, how one reacts after getting over the shock of being found makes things harder or smoother. From his opinion, if the man was in love with my friend he would have followed after her and apologized immediately. Even if he is just saying sorry because it counts more than keeping quiet on the matter for weeks (that’s what he did). Never did the man apologize to her. His only excuse was “I am not perfect”. Crap! I can do better than that if I was caught in such a situation.

Eventually she got over her heartache, is now living happily enjoying the dates, and flowers. She is happy once more but left with a lesson that not all older men are mature. Some are more immature than that first year classmate of mine is. Additionally, as a lesson for my readers, and me as much as you are caught in the wrong, try to make a positive approach to the matter. Say a “genuine sorry” and run to the hills if you fear for your life.

Cuddling makes more sense than you think

Have you ever walked past two cats lying in a cuddling position? Or a dog? Or a dog and a cat?

They are always in a rather cute position and if you are an animal lover like me you will end up smiling. It is often stated that women love to cuddle more than men and that men are not in agreements with such arrangements. Cuddling is always part of the human race just like sex is. It is there before sex, after sex or when there is no sex at all. However, cuddling can bring in more pleasure than sex at times (don’t shoot me if you disagree). Here is why I think so.

Cuddling is a physical affair which eventually leads to intimacy and emotional satisfaction. It brings two people together to share a space and relaxes both parties. It has been studied and proven that cuddling brings satisfaction to both a man and a woman in a relationship. It all depends if cuddling has been initiated at the right time and if done correctly (will get back to this later on). A recent research studied 1000 couples who have been married for over 25 years together. Apparently, as women grow older, their sexual needs increase and pleasure is peaked and sexual satisfaction is paramount. On the other hand, men tend to prefer to cuddle and touch as a way of feeling happy and satisfied.  This is not to shy off the unmarried peeps. 

Cuddling in general has the following benefits:

• ·         It reduces stress

Cuddling has been proven to releasing oxytocin which helps to curb stress. This is a hormone that comes from the brain and is also known as the “feel good” hormone as it reduces anxiety and leaves one feeling happy. On a more practical bit it can be explained as follows. After a long day at work or school and you are feeling stressed out, getting into a cuddling position with your spouse or partner helps you feel secure and relaxed, and after sometime you will feel relaxed.

• ·         Increases levels of intimacy

Cuddling is a physical contact and the more you get physically attached to someone (not in a sex situation), the more you will be bonded to one another. Cuddling brings in the emotional aspect of both parties and makes each other feel bonded to one another in a beautiful manner. It increases the level of intimacy between you and your partner and will result in both of you feeling happy and fulfilled.

• ·         Creates a good communication

Cuddling allows people to ‘invade’ into the private spaces of one another. Lying close to someone in a cuddling position makes them feel comfortable and relaxed. This initiates conversations which are both personal and intimate.  After sometime, both parties will end up understanding each other more and getting to know each other better. This is achieved by constant cuddling.

Cuddling turn-offs

The benefits of cuddling are many and at the end of the day, make your relationship healthier and happier. However, there are some things that should be considered before initiating a cuddle as they may end up being a total turn off and make the other party uncomfortable.

For instance, just having sex, you should allow your man or woman to relax a few and catch his/her breath. Do not finish the deed and immediately pounce on their chests or get too close to them. This makes it so gross as both of you are covered in sweat, its smelly and slippery (you get the picture, right?). Cuddling should be done after both of you are relaxed and feeling better.

Women are known to be cuddlier than men but it does not hurt to reciprocate the favors. It should not be the case always that one party is in for the cuddly bits. This will make the other party feeling less wanted and annoyed at your lack of sensitivity and concern for their needs. If you need to talk with your new partner or your partner beforehand, then you should do it. Tell them how you view cuddling and am sure you will come to an agreement at some point that will be satisfactory to both of you.

As for men, you should not make it too obvious that cuddling is your gate to nakedness. This will be a turn off to the woman you are lying next to as it will lose meaning to her. We know that’s what you are obviously thinking of achieving, but please be a little discreet.

Here are a few cuddling positions that will start you off in this month of love

• As a woman, you become the big spoon

I know of some few women who will give me a snare for saying so but it does not hurt if once in a while you become the big spoon. The feeling that we get when we are the small spoon, assume that your man is feeling the same. With your eer….near your man’s booty, it will arouse some of his nerves and make him feel happy.

• Tweak your spooning technique

With a spooning image in mind, with you (woman) being a small spoon now, turn a little and lie on your back and entangle your leg in the middle of your man’s leg. This will make you be in a position to be looked at and kissed and at the same time, your man does not have to be concerned about any arms on him.

•   Cuddling while facing each other

This is a very comfortable position but can be dreadful if one of you suffers from oral hygiene. However, if you are confident enough you can get into this position and wrap your arms around each other. Do not get too close near your heads as the breathing space might get crowded. As you are facing each other, tangle your legs together crossing each other.  You can look at each other in this position, talk and even smile and kiss.

•  Let him use your lap as a pillow

Women are the ones that often do this but a man will enjoy it too. While watching a movie or TV, allow your man to lie on your thighs. As he is there, rub his scalp lovingly and slowly and don’t forget the behind the ears. It has been said that men’s ears are super-sensitive and boom! You got your score them. If you need the same to be done to you, just ask him. Which man can refuse a woman lying on his crotch?

http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/5-health-reasons-make-time-cuddling