`TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST, THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL

‘Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’. You know the feeling that you have when you meet someone you share the same joke with even when no one around you gets it? Yes, that feeling. I have recently met a person whom we share the same love for Mind Your Language. The 1980s comedy plays in the background as we laugh to the mindless jokes of Juan and Maximiliano. Daniella makes the class interesting with her adamant crush on Mr Brown. Anyways, we laugh at the episodes and all but one phrase makes its way to my cognitive memory. ‘Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’. The famous quote of Alfred Lord Tennyson, ‘tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’.

Every human being of age has undergone through a heartbreak at a particular time of his or her lives. The heartaches and sleepless nights makes you wish you were with that person. The constant pain in your heart and what ifs that repeatedly play in your mind.

“I broke up with my girlfriend whom I have been dating for 3 years. She had been a constant in my life, my partner and lover and I felt her absence when we split. I went out with my friends, had sixty days of crying my heart out with whiskey bottles. I vented, lamented and I was a constant source of ridicule from the boys. Two months later, I picked myself up, wiped my tears and continued with my hustles. I was done with the pain. Fast forward, it has been 5 months after the break up and she has come back to my life. She constantly texts and calls. She tells me of how much she misses me and wants us to be back together. She cries sometimes, reminding me of the past memories when we were happy. I am sure I don’t want her back into my life cause I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and moved on’. This was a narration from one of my boys and I could not help but feel sorry for her. In my past life, I have been there and done that. 

Once upon a time, I was going out with someone I loved with all my heart. It was one of the most pure form of love, an innocent love. I had never loved anyone before, since I always shielded my heart. The soap operas I used to watch when I was in primary school scared the hell out of me. The heartbreaks in the programs were intense. Besides, ‘shielding’ my heart, this man swept me off my feet. He would take me out on dates; introduce me to fine dining and wining. He actually made me become conversant with good, expensive wines (that I can tell apart confidently). He would open car doors for me and drop me off at home. He was different. He made me feel special and like the only girl in the world, literally. Then I fell in love, deep in love. However, that love was short lived. I remember when he broke up with me saying that ‘I was too young to understand love’, and more genuinely, ‘I had to go to college’.  I was devastated after the break up, and I lost over five kgs from crying and lack of eating. 

Then came the denial part. I would call and text endlessly, begging him to take me back. That I would change and become the person ‘he wanted’ of me. I defended myself that I knew what love was and how it felt, blah blah blah. I messaged him everywhere, Facebook, text messages, email and worst of all, work mail. Then he BLOCKED me everywhere! I got agitated and sad and found other avenues to find my healing. Any chance my call would go through, I would say I needed closure so badly. Every time he would put me off, and tell me he doesn't want me back. He had already made up his mind to move on and i was only clinging to a lost hope that was non-existent. I was a wreck, at my worst point in life. When I recall the events after that break up I feel like an idiot and embarrassed of my actions. That was rock bottom for me. 

Therefore, when Mark’s (my friend) ex-girlfriend keeps on calling and finding ways of being with him, including proposing business ventures, I feel for her. I know how it feels to want that person back into your life desperately, to make things get back to normal. The frustration that exists because you can no longer call them and tell them about your ordinary day. The absence of someone to hug and tell you that you are going to be all right, just because you accidently hit your pinkie toe. The loneliness that creeps in and failing to have that person to send emoji’s on Whatsapp with when there is nothing much to talk about. That feeling of being alone, hurting and in constant heartache is the worst. And to top it up, being constantly told that IT IS OVER!

Her actions after the breakup is much more mature than how mine was. Including him in a business venture where money is flowing is a mature and strategic thing to do (I hope he doesn’t gets swarmed back into her life cause that's a fine strategy). Overall, heartbreaks are brutal. It has been many years since then but I can still recall it like yesterday. I wished for a long time that our paths would cross and I would be his again, but now am glad it never did. That episode in my life taught me that time heals everything and every bad experience, is a stepping-stone to becoming stronger. It made me handle future relationships better. It opened my mind to being liberal and accepting people as they are, accepting their opinions and choosing not to judge. It made me understand the feelings and emotions that come from people when they are angry, upset, in love or in denial. Now I can love again, and I can love with no fear. That heartache taught me to cherish the memories we make with everyone that crosses our paths. Instead of pouting over what is gone, healing and moving on is a sign of growth. In addition, what is the essence of life anyway? Is it not to live each day like the one it is the last one? I would prefer a million times over, to better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. 

HAPPY Easter Amigos!