Money and new relationships

It has been quite long since I sat down and shared something with you. I have been engaged with so many things that I barely have time for my own writing. Anyway, today why don’t we get acquainted once more? It was girlfriend time once again after a while and there was a lot of catching up to do. During the date I found out that, we share many things in common about a certain matter especially when it comes to new relationships and money. 

It is increasingly becoming common knowledge and habit to have men borrow money from their wives, girlfriends and fiancees. A while back, it was frequent in women, which was mainly due to the notion that men are providers and protectors. It was therefore not a surprise for a woman or a girl to ask her husband, fiance or boyfriend. In fact, it was understandable and encouraged. However, with the call for equality between the male and female gender, the norm has changed gear to cater more males than females. Is it because of our call for equality and “what a man can do, a woman can do better” notion? Is it that the boy child lacks a mentor to teach about men and his responsibilities?

Too often than not I have met up with individuals who while starting to know each other include money into the picture. I am not saying it is wrong to borrow money while in a relationship but its better if you make your timing correct. There is no perfect timing to anything but there is always that one that will be close to the perfect one.

Once or twice as a matter of fact, I have met a man/boy who when we were getting to know each other, brings in the money topic. We are starting to explore some of the things that we have in common and make memories where we can. Everything will be going on all right until that moment when they asked for money after the second meeting, or worse at the first meeting. For real! I am getting to know you for Pete’s sake. To be frank, this took me by surprise because I know and felt that the timing was not okay. It is not wrong for a man to ask a woman for money or vice versa but please let us get to know each other first.

In all scenarios even in marriages, money is always a sensitive matter. There is no individual who would want to disclose all his assets and wealth even to the love of his life. Marriage counselors and advisers know about this. I personally also think the same. There are many reasons why persons would not want to bring money too soon at the table. This is because there are some people who will decide to stay because of the money. Furthermore, the other person may feel insecure that the person is thinking he/she is staying because of his/her money. In either way, there is always that feeling of insecurity, doubt and sometimes greed. For me personally, I would not advice for money to come as one of the topics of new relationships. This is because it might come out too soon make the whole relationship to change its meaning.  However, if it is the opposite and they are asking on the second or third meeting, I prefer to walk away. Call me an old school dog but traditionally the man is always the provider. That is what we girls have always been taught and when you ask us about money on the third date, we get scared. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and that is my opinion.

On the other hand, a few exceptions might make a woman/man decide to help her boyfriend/girlfriend. These exceptions include but not limited to when he chooses the time “perfectly”, when he asks for it kindly and when he is in a genuine need for it. When it comes to asking her/him money kindly considers the level and commitment of the relationship. With money, it comes with trust. Is there adequate trust in the relationship to bring in a sensitive matter like money? What exactly should I tell her/him when asking these questions? There are words that are a total put off when it comes to money. Please do not tell a woman/man “give me money because I am so broke”. You put so many questions to her mind, like “am I your savior that you were waiting for”, or “where have you been getting your money before”. It brings in some aspects of insincerity even if the request is very sincere.

People who are starting to get to know each other in a relationship should take some time away before they include money into the picture. This is because it is a sensitive matter that should be threaded with carefulness and some thought. This applies to both species of mankind; it is a same issue to all of us. After all, friends help each other out once in a while.

Have yourselves a great week ahead!